SPOILERS AHEAD: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK AND DO NOT WANT CERTAIN PLOT POINTS RUINED DO NOT READ PAST THE SECOND SPOILER ALERT BELOW.
Emily Wilcox in my eyes is the sort of 90’s style geek girl. Book nerdy as a child, 90s goth as a teenager, and then a sort of loner as an adult. She is 27 years old and is a computer analyst for the FBI.
She loves romance novels, especially those related to spies as that was a personal fantasy she’s had for years while being what many would consider ‘prudish’ in her own romances. Emily is prone to chaos and clutter in her home, but complete exactness and perfection in her work. A dichotomy of the person she is.
For her, family is everything. While she does dream of someday having her own family it’s hard for her to imagine ever having that opportunity with someone. I imagine a personal theme song in her life is “Goodnight, my someone” from the Music Man. Emily sort of imagines the idealized version of what she wants even though it’s not realistic and I think, for her, that is almost the appeal. It doesn’t hurt to be alone if she keeps imagining something unattainable.
For Emily, I imagine that she was one of those bright eyed, young kids who loved learning, like their favorite place was the library or bookstore. She also loved to explore as a child, taking hikes, climbing trees. She was the oldest and was always responsible, especially in taking care of her little brother. I imagine if things had gone like a little girl’s life should have she would have gone on a very different path. Like being a writer or a historian, maybe a female Indiana Jones.
As an adult, Emily worked hard, kept her head down, and tried to not draw attention to herself. She loved her work with computers, but it was hard for her to open up to people, because she could never trust their motives. Rusty was always the exception. He was the opposite of the type of person she’d normally trust since his openness and flamboyant behavior usually were red flags. And Sean was the type she’d always inherently trust, but for some reason Emily struggled with understanding him.
Her family is very important to her and sort of mirrors her own personal chaos. On her mother’s side they are Greek-American with strong ties still to their heritage. Her Nonna is a very loud woman who doesn’t mince her words, loves to cook, and has a very open, happy view on life. Her mother, Sarah, is a worrier, demure, and very concerned with personal image. Her brother, Peter, didn’t waste time in pursuing a family of his own and at the time of the book had two boys; he is also a detective at his local police station and is devoted to helping people.
SPOILERS!!! DON”T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.
Emily grew up with an abusive father. Like most manipulators he twisted things for his purpose, and in his case, used his position as a minister and a public figure to keep his family from talking. The more popular he became, the more he convinced his wife and children that no one would believe them.
Emily, at first, was like any child abused. Scared but still unable to differentiate between her father and the mask he wore for everyone else. He was quite good as a minister, saying all the right things, acting as if his life was this open book, and displaying this perfect image of his family.
In fact, much of the violence they endured was because they dared to step out of line. It didn’t take much for the abuse to occur. Emily reading a book about mythology. Peter getting dirt on his pants. Sarah not making the right dish for the picnic.
When the threat of non-belief wasn’t enough, Emily’s father would use them against each other. He would threaten to hurt one if the others didn’t obey. It was perhaps the most effective way he got them to stay in line.
If you are wondering where Emily’s grandma was in all this – she was biding her time. Nonna knew something was wrong, but her daughter had almost completely cut ties (at her husband’s behest) with her. She rarely saw her grandchildren and it was during limited visits so that questions couldn’t be asked about hidden bruises or broken bones. Emily’s father kept a strict eye on these visits.
When Emily was fourteen she used Christmas and Birthday money to buy video cameras that she posted around the house. She compiled a year’s worth of abuse and tirades, then under a pseudonym blackmailed her father. Told him that if he didn’t come clean to the police and leave that Emily (as the blackmailer) would send the video to every local newspaper in the area. She was so sure she had it in the bag, that finally everything was over, and then…
Her father committed suicide by car.
Suddenly, she was in a horrible position. Yes, they were finally free, but no one knew. Memorials were being had in his honor. People were sobbing in church at the loss of their ‘wonderful’ minister. Telling Emily and her family how tragic a loss they endured. She could see her mother having to carry the weight of her father’s fake legacy, forever having to pretend that he was a good man. No, it couldn’t happen.
At the massive funeral held in his honor, Emily played the blackmail video.
There was no doubt. There was nothing to refute. Emily hadn’t gone with the lesser evils in that video, she showed her father in all his true glory. He was displayed every inch the monster that he was. Silence fell.
Her Nonna stood then, her eyes ablaze, as she took her daughter and grandchildren and walked out of that room. Within a day, they were packed. Then they were gone. She handled everything else: the sell of the house, the news outlets. As much as she could, she made sure that her family never had to relive their pain again.
Not long after the funeral, the nightmares started. Emily struggled to fall asleep because she was afraid to meet her father in her dreams. In them, he was still alive, and he was angrier than ever. He would hurt her or her mom or her brother and she was helpless. Emily would stay up night upon night until the sleep deprivation caused severe problems such as sleep walking and hallucinations. She was eventually put on medicine to regulate her PTSD.
Emily for a moment, thrived. She flew through school and grades, graduated early, and soon was at college, but then she was faced with being alone. It was easy with her family; they shared the same pain, they knew the same trauma. But out in the real world, she was no one. It felt like everything she was had been stripped away and suddenly she was lacking.
She didn’t know clothes, she didn’t watch the same shows as other girls, she hadn’t had ‘teen’ crushes on movie stars. Her teenage years fighting a war most of those college students couldn’t dream of understanding had become a wall between her and the rest of the world. So, for a while, she struggled. She drank, tried to party. Eventually losing her virginity to a boy who wasn’t ready for someone like her and Emily unleashed her cyber wrath on him drawing the ire of the FBI.
Instead of arresting her, they told her to straighten her life out and when she graduated she would have a job with them. Finally, she had a purpose. Emily reconstructed her life. She found outlets for her trauma. The FBI — her desire for the justice she felt she never got. Her romance novels – a wish to be loved and desired. And eventually, Rusty – a friendship she could hide in.
V. L. Clark - Author 
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